Lol well once again I am wide awake and sat in bed with my laptop writing out another one of my blog entries for all you lovely people out there to read. Unless your name is Jordan LOL who finds it funny to paste it into their Facebook so his friends can read it and comment it with comments that are just pathetic, but to then call me and ask me to remove it because his friends hate him apparently… I just can’t help but laugh at your face. xD. Speaking of that idiot he just called me LOL what a douche.
As we all know summer is a approaching and that just means 10 whole weeks of pure bliss. Over the past couple of days I must admit it’s been nice to talk to some good mates of mine they have been dearly missed, one person in particular that it was nice to talk to recently was Lewis, it might have been a fair few months since we had a proper conversation but none the less it was a pleasure to speak to him again but to also meet up, was just a great touch to my year after all that’s happened, I’ve missed you dearly mate please never lose contact with me you’re a great mate to have, just like to say if your reading this I’m sorry for not talking the past few days I’ve just been caught up with work, hope to catch up soon and arrange a meet in the summer J. x
More recently getting back in contact with my mate Ash from Manchester was most great; always love to have a good long chat with him, also to the fact next month it will be basically a year since we’ve been mates. Hopefully somewhere in them 10 weeks ill be able to find time to go up and see him but who knows what the future holds.
Just getting off msn with Matty made me realize how much I missed our conversations, not to mention with this sudden craze of mates creating their own blogs, I got a first glance at his which he had yet to publish…. And it made me realize how emotionally attached I am to many friends, after going through his blog he had sent me it felt as if I was transported into his life and became apart of it and showed me the suffering he had to endure throughout last year, parts of which carried on into this year. Word after word I felt more drawn into his life bringing tears into my eyes making me realize people should never have to deal with pain like that in their life.
I’ve always said to my friends I would always be there for them in any time of need, whether it in the morning, day or night I will be there for them always. I guess really since I’ve become friends with such amazing people I’ve learnt that I cant always put myself first, its as if I found purpose for people like Matty who are in need, for people that are down when there is no need, when you need a helping hand to raise your spirit, someone there to give you hope. As if a guardian angel like figure I will over look my friends and always be there to lend them a helping hand in any hour of need.
Friends are what keep me going in life without them I feel I have no purpose, so to them I am thankful. While talking about great friends like to give a shout out to my best mate Jake Devine, just because I said I would give him a mention in my next blog, J. I’m just glad I have a friend like him there for me always knowing how to cheer me up, but I’m also sure he’s glad for having a friend like me for getting him out the house :P. much luv to you mate, don’t know where I’d be without you J x
I guess it now comes to that time where I wish to confess a few certain matters within my life. I guess what I’m hoping by writing this is forgiveness but here I go anyways… Over the past few weeks I began to loose myself again into a society that seemed so judgmental. I sought refuge by trying to make new friends, just friends to talk to no intention to meet no intention of anything other than just to talk. Soon I found myself host to a few new friend that I had made through random adds online, some lived locally some lived a distance but what was it to matter I just needed someone to talk to, to express my thoughts and seek advice. I guess that original intention soon changed as conversation developed I found myself falling for people I barely knew yet this was not love and I knew it wasn’t love. Only the powerful feelings of lust… that need to have someone there to talk to but more at the same time. I never wanted anything like a relationship to come of it but somehow it always comes into conversation. My heart is so fragile at the moment I can’t let anyone near it or interfere with it through a relationship, for now it’s reserved for the people in my life that matter most to me. But why can’t I seem to hold back from everything? People need to know I'm no after a relationship and I'm sorry if I mislead you into thinking I wanted more but now is a time where a relationship cannot come into my life for anyone new. My heart still lays intact held by the strings of past memories.
I guess its time for me to end it here and the only way I see fit to end this blog is with some lyrics that hold a powerful meaning:
We were as one babe for a moment in time,
And it seemed everlasting that you would always be mine,
Now you wanna be free yeah
So I’m letting you fly
Cos I know in my heart babe , our love will never die. (8)
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